COVID is freaking hard.

I’ve had cases of flu, colds, and even chronic bloodborne strep that nearly killed me when I was 11. 😤

But, nothing so far has compared this COVID fugue.

I’ve found myself really emotional these past few days knowing that even though I’m on day 10 of recovery and still feeling not myself at all, there were people who had it so much worse than this. Cases so significant people lost their lives over it. My heart feels broken from this experience in an even more profound way than it was before.

I feel very lucky to have support around me. To know I don’t have to do everything alone. And to know that I was already doing some baseline things to help my body fight this.

Still, I’m tired of this and ready for it to be over.

I remember getting a really bad flu a couple years ago pre-COVID. I was working for Heartly House at the time and had to leave because I legit 🤮in front of a client. YIKES.

I laid on my bedroom floor shaking and stricken with full-body pain. I felt feverish. I couldn’t eat, drink, or sleep. But, I prayed and affirmed my body’s good health and focused on that. I distracted myself with Disney+ where I could. I asked for prayers for feeling better, and sure enough within about 36 hours, I felt perfectly me again.

COVID on the other hand comes and goes in waves. Sometimes, I feel like I almost might be getting better, but then another symptom gets worse. No amount of positive attitude is kicking it. No amount of prayer seems to be speeding it up.

So, me being me, I’m trying to find the lesson in it.

As someone with chronic fatigue and pain, I often feel like I am not contributing enough. This is absolute crazy talk, I realize, as I have been the predominant financial support for one of my partners for going on 4 years, and another partner for a year. I am currently the financial battery in our family as my wife was in grad school and focusing on their studies, and my other partner also has a chronic illness that keeps him from working most 9 to 5 jobs.

I do and provide more than enough on my good days, and it’s okay for me not to provide non-stop on my not good days; but, believing that is still often a struggle.

Don Miguel Ruiz, author of the Four Agreements and later, The Five Agreements, shares the rule for life to “always do your best.”

Our best changes day to day. In fact, it’s always changing. My best is drastically reduced right now as I recover and I am trying to be so so so gentle about that. For now, I just need to breathe and be as my regular level of doing would be way over doing right now.

When I’m recovered, my best will look like it usually does. Go-getter me with at least three projects going and always some grand new idea flowing in. Such is my multipassionate nature.

It’s hard to remember what our best looks like when we’re at a low point. Hard in one definition in that being in an “altered state” makes our usual best literally hard to remember; but, also hard because we KNOW we’re not at our “usual best” and that’s challenging.

It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to relax. It’s okay to take care of ourselves. 🙂 Just in case you needed to hear that, too.

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This month, I’m doing my best to write a blog post every day for the #UltimateBlogChallenge (Check it out at https://ultimateblogchallenge.com/).

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