AMA About Polyamory

I want to provide a space for open, healthy dialogue and questions about polyamory. There are so many ways polyamory can be healthy, beautiful, and fulfilling for all involved, and ways it can be a toxic nightmare.

Like queer & LGBTQIA+ issues, some people feel nervous asking questions about populations they are not members of; however, that doesn’t allow room for growth. If you have questions, please reach out and let me be your safe space for this!

Polyamory is “on the rise,” not because it’s a new modern concept, but because it is one of the many things that have been discussed more in modern culture (amongst the discussions of LGBTQIA+ rights and identities, systemic racism, the metoo movement, and more).

I know it is challenging for some people of older generations who didn’t grow up on free love movements to imagine how it’s possible for people to be polyamorous. Trust me. I get it. I’ve heard every argument under the sun.

These are some of the common misconceptions I hear about polyamory all the time.

In my experience, polyamory is much like any other sexual or romantic orientation. It exists on a spectrum. There are people who are completely straight to completely gay, and those who fall in between or off that spectrum altogether. There are people who are asexual and have no desire for sexual intimacy, and those that are allosexual and enjoy sex with one or many people (we tend to call this “sleeping around.”) Then there are those on that spectrum that only desire sex once they’re in love with someone.

Polyamory and monogamy exist on a spectrum, too. Some people feel capable of loving and only want only one partner. Some want more than one and fall for people easily. And there are those that exist off this spectrum too who have no desire for romantic relationships at all. None of these are superior or morally more correct than any other orientation so long as all parties involved are consenting and able to consent.

There is no denying that I have been blessed by an abundance of love in my life with vibrant healthy relationships of all kinds: friends, companions, lovers, and family. I’ve also (in the past) had very toxic and unhealthy relationships in all of the same categories.

Polyamory has existed in many cultures and across almost all of history.

The bottom line is jealousy exists in all kinds of relationships. You’re not required to be polyamorous if that’s not how you identify. It’s only cheating if your partner(s) is not/are not aware (and lots of “monogamous” people cheat emotionally and/or sexually).

I’ve faced a lot of discrimination for my life as a polyamorous person from strangers and loved ones alike. Rather than ask questions about how people I am in relationships with feel about it and getting to know how it works for us, I usually face comments like in the chart above, as well as assumptions about what this means about my sex life.

Guess what? It doesn’t matter what I do behind closed doors with consenting adults, but geeze I also wish people would stop assuming polyamory means threesomes, orgies, or sex in general because many polyamorous people have relationships in which sex is never on the table.

Anyway, hi, I’m Safrianna and I am a queer femme polyamorous person, a therapist, author, and educator. You can ask me questions about polyamory anytime! The best way to have an open discussion with me is on my Living LUNA Discord Server! I hope to see you there!

This month, I’m doing my best to write a blog post every day for the #UltimateBlogChallenge (Check it out at

This is also a part of my own #SocialMediaAscension Campaign with Living LUNA which has expanded from a month to just my mission all the time! I’d REALLY love it if you joined us on Discord because I love chatting there! Join our Discord HERE!

#LivingLUNA #SocialMediaAscension #90DaysToGoal #BlogBoost #UltimateBlogChallenge
If you want to talk with us more, feel free to join us on our socials!

3 responses to “AMA About Polyamory”

  1. Not sure I need to ask questions but thanks for being opened to it. Polyamory was practiced in my culture – mostly it is the men who has multiple wives .


  2. Thanks for sharing this, and validating many sexual and romantic orientations 🙂


  3. There is no one right way to love and be loved. You are absolutely entitled to your own feelings and desires, and you should never feel guilty or ashamed of them. All relationships are valid as long as “all parties involved are happy, consenting, and able to consent.” You deserve to be happy and loved in whatever way makes you feel alive and fulfilled. Thank you for being open about your thoughts and feelings on this matter. ❤ I am sorry you feel discriminated against. As you ended with, "It doesn’t matter what I do behind closed doors with consenting adults," and people should not go about and make uninformed assumptions.

    Thanks again for sharing!


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